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Conversation with a student, May 2006

A conversation with a student which took place approximately a month and a half after Sesha's accident, and just hours after having been treated by a local Indian healer with typical herbal remedies from his culture, with the aim of relieving his pain.

How do you feel after taking sacred medicine from your land?

A little dizzy.  I am in a Non-Dual state, I feel as if I am here on Earth and at the same time floating in space.

Are you in pain

It has eased off …

Do you think it was good, has it made you feel better?

Yes, I think it has done me some good...  but my body tells me otherwise.

Do you experience Non-Duality the same without the sacred medicine they have given to you?

The sacred medicine helps, it seems to be easier to reach this state, my mind is as it were half asleep

Do you feel as if you were everywhere? Do you feel as if everything were one?

I do not want to let myself go...  If I go I may not return (laughs)

Seriously?

Yes, I came from death to live and teach.

Do you find it difficult to stay?

I do not struggle, as THAT traps me.

You have been in Non-Dual worlds, haven't you?

Yes, I have spent a couple of hours there.

And can you talk about it?

No I cannot, there are no words to describe it, only certainty.  When you are overwhelmed by the absolute, it does not allow you to possess anything

How did you return?

...  I think it spat me out (laughter).

That is strange, isn't it?

No it is not.  You get used to it...  It is like everything.

Do you remember it vividly?

It is not a memory...  It is like love, it is not a memory, it is a certainty.

Do you know why you returned?

Prarabda rules, controls everything.

… That is difficult to understand...

Yes it is, if you think about it...

Without having experienced it, it is hard to understand it without thinking.

I suppose so.  However, love is not a memory and you have no doubt about it.

But I have experienced it.  Can certainties also be lost?

No,it is not that they come into being, they have always been, you simply believe you possess them, it is only consciousness.

It is hard to live in this state?

No it is not, if you do not think about it.

It cannot be only that.

It is only down to not thinking.

…Habits have to be stopped, you have to learn all over again.  This is not just stopping thinking.

Habits are also thoughts.

When we act out of habit are we thinking?

It is just the habit of feeling like you are the owner of what you think, but it is also a thought.

And when you learn how not to think, do you not get into the habit of not thinking?

You cannot learn how to not think.  Do you learn how to love?

So then, it would be knowing what not thinking is, knowing without thinking?

When you know something, in that instant you do not think.

And, does remaining in this state create an addiction?

No it does not, as THAT has no root in what has come before...  Whereas habits do, in our previous experiences.

I see.

I cannot think.  I cannot keep my mind on anything that is not metaphysical.

You are very explicit...

I am extremely lucid.  I could talk about the most elevated metaphysical subjects for hours

Your lucidity goes beyond your body, doesn't it?

Yes it does.

Does it penetrate through everything?

Yes it does.  I am full of nothing...

And you fill everything...

Non-Duality is a magnet, it attracts you, it overwhelms you, and yet, you give in to its wondrous presence.You are enraptured by the subtlety of its emptiness, and you weep for not having the power to harness so much magnificence.

Why does not being able to retain it make you weep, if nothing can be retained there?

Before dissolving completely, and because of your habit of possessing things, you unconsciously desire to retain love.  Nevertheless, immediately afterwards, water dissolves in water and space into space

So why do you cry, is it this same magnificence that unleashes your tears, is human expression so great?

Yes, that's right.  Your description is very beautiful. 
If you are intent on containing something unlimited within your own limits, eventually something will escape, in this case: tears.

I see, it is impossible to contain it within human limits, is that right?

That is right.

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